When I woke this morning at 7:00am and looked at my phone, the date brightly exclaimed that it was January 10th, 2018. On any other January 10th, I would have snoozed my alarm, rolled back over, and snuggled deeply into my warm bed. Work probably loomed ahead and those extra minutes under the covers surely would have made me late. No time for breakfast or coffee; barely time to even brush my hair. In any other year, January 10th was more than likely just another day that passed on the calendar. Maybe those dates landed on the weekend and I was traveling or visiting friends or enjoying a slow day at home. Nothing significant, but freely enjoyed.
But on this January 10th, I woke to a bittersweet feeling with each pound of my heart. On this January 10th, I realized, it’s been three months since the birth of my first child. Instead of hitting snooze and rolling back over, I lightly climbed out of bed as to not wake my sleeping husband. I pattered down the hallway to our girl’s room and flicked on the vintage lamp by her bed that gives the softest pink glow. Not too bright to wake up to, but just enough light for mama to see where she’s going. I softly walked over to the crib and looked down at the most beautiful human I’ve ever seen. Her tiny hands were up by her face and those plump cheeks were flushed.
“Campbell…baby girl…” I sang.
“It’s time to wake up…”
She stirred to the sound of my voice and blinked her big, blue eyes open. As she focused on my face, the widest, gummiest grin spread across her perfectly formed face and tears filled my eyes. “It’s January 10th, baby,” I sang. “You’re three months old.”
These three months have seemed like both a lifetime and a minute. One moment I am right back in the delivery room, pushing and crying and begging for her to arrive. The next moment I am staring over the crib and met with a face that recognizes my voice and my smile as the most wonderful things in the world. For the first weeks and months of a babies life, they don’t really realize who is feeding, rocking, bouncing, singing, shushing, comforting them. You give everything inside of you to this little person you met only days ago, and your tired, weak bones feel like they might collapse at the weight of a feather. The mental exhaustion might be worse than the physical. And even for those few precious moments of sleep you do get, you can’t shut your mind off to even close your eyes.
But at three months things change.
The thing you love most in the world begins to love you back.
Their smiles bring tears to your eyes regardless of how many times you’ve seen it.
You sit for what seems like hours with them in your lap as you make ridiculous sounds and faces just to hear that tiny giggle one more time.
They cry when someone else holds them but when they are back in your arms the only sound you hear is a sweet sigh.
“I guess she just wanted mama.” is the best sentence ever said.
This is why on January 10th, 2018 I eagerly got out of bed to begin my day. From October 10th, 2017 to now, time has gone both fast and slow. For me, it’s as if life is just beginning…
and it’s only been three months.